For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We left the knife in your bed.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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