you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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