shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
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So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
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at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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