apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize