I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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