i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
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