someone threw a dead crab at me
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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