Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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