so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I skipped work to stalk him.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
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you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
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Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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