i think my mom watched the whole time
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
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He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
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I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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