Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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