My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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