If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize