I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pop tarts are not kleenex
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize