K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
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He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
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we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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