Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize