Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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