It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
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Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
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"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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