Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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