Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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