I wish I could teleport
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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