so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
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STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
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You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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