He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize