Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?

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(817): I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf? http://tfl.nu/ht45

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(732): View more from New Jersey

You look like a girl that would like strip clubs

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(732): You look like a girl that would like strip clubs http://tfl.nu/jf13

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(865): View more from Tennessee

i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat

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(865): i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat http://tfl.nu/yw7h

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(905): View more from Ontario

He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer

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(905): He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer http://tfl.nu/xvzr

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.

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(715): Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester. http://tfl.nu/dlm3

Replies (19) Good night (1131) Bad night (4050) Order T-Shirt
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(630): View more from Illinois

I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.

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(630): I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar. http://tfl.nu/ha0p

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(509): View more from Washington

Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.

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(509): Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad. http://tfl.nu/dn7l

Replies (11) Good night (1947) Bad night (1243) Order T-Shirt
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(479): View more from Arkansas

Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.

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(479): Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless. http://tfl.nu/pb8t

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.

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(304): Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better. http://tfl.nu/8g47

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.

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(610): Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours. http://tfl.nu/ytnd

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(816): View more from Missouri

The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.

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(816): The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud. http://tfl.nu/cdmp

Replies (5) Good night (2592) Bad night (219)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...

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(828): just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever... http://tfl.nu/nfkk

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.

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(610): You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not. http://tfl.nu/e39j

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(520): View more from Arizona

We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.

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(520): We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me. http://tfl.nu/rcmo

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"

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(336): Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem" http://tfl.nu/nmt9

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