Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
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dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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