I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
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I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
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My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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