Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize