No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
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I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
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Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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