Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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