The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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