I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
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Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
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You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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