the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize