Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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