This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
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Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
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My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I would fuck him just for his dog
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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