The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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