You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
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Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
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Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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