so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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