apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
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so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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