His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
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Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
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Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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