using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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