The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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