Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize