would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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