so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
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No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
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Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
His nipple licking is glorious
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