last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
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If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
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You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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