It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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