I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
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Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
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EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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