i permit you to call me
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize