I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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