She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
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I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
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It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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